Your guide to holiday romance (version 2.0)

As promised, I have been thinking long and hard about a "guys to avoid" list for the ladies out there. [In response to the girls to avoid list, from a previous post.] Granted, I vowed when I started this blog that I would not make the content dating-centric, but I had to give myself this one post -- it's just too fun to...avoid.

1. Avoid any guy you meet after 3 a.m. He doesn't know your name.
2. Avoid any guy who asks you to come home and play video games. Either he thinks that's a good line, or he really plays video games all the time.
3. Avoid any guy who wears his heart on his sleeve....he's too sensitive and probably emotionally needy. (Think Dan Humphrey, blech.)
4. Avoid any guy who's wearing tighter pants than you....Unless he's in a band. Even then, you probably should avoid him. He has the plague.
5. Avoid a dinner date promise from a drunk guy. He is trying to get you into bed.
6. Avoid a guy who knows too much about gadgets. He plays World of Warcraft.
7. Avoid any guy who talks about his money.
8. Avoid any guy who wears too much (any...) cologne.
9. Avoid any guy who lives in the gym. He will always like his body better than yours.
10. Avoid any guy who's uncomfortably dependent on his mother. He's looking for a replacement, and you'll never measure up.
11. Avoid any guy who is on a diet. That's icky.
12. Avoid any guy who wears a deep-V t-shirt. He probably also tans.
13. Avoid any guy who tans.
14. Avoid any guy with a drug problem. You'll end up holding his hand through rehab, and he'll resent you.
15. Avoid any guy you work with. No excuses. Unless you are going to get married or you're planning on changing jobs, it's a bad idea.
16. Avoid any guy who's wearing pointy shoes. Exception: a fabulous European.
17. Avoid any guy who has on nail polish. He's into freaky shit, and he probably hangs out with Kirsten Dunst at LIT.
18. Avoid any guy you meet at the following: Marquee, Pink Elephant, Bungalow 8, Mansion, Mr. West, Suzie Wong, Home, Cain Luxe, Guest House, or any iteration of the same. He's B&T, and he shaves his arms.
19. Avoid any guy you meet who is an undergrad at NYU. Bad news bears.
20. Avoid any guy who says his favorite place is the Lower East Side. We know it's fun, but get over it already.
21. Avoid any guy who tries to pick you up by offering to buy a bottle. See #7.
22. Avoid a drunken Brit who's whispering sweet nothings into your ear. It's Ed Westwick, and he's using you.
23. Avoid any guy who tells you you're too serious if you bring up current events. We're grown-ups now.
24. Avoid any guy who hates your friends. He's insecure.
25. Avoid any guy who has no friends. He's socially inept.
26. Avoid any guy who has no hobby. He does have a hobby, but he's embarrassed to tell you what it is. He's probably a weirdo.
27. Avoid any guy who misses movie references. He had no childhood.
28. Avoid any guy who exclusively listens to house music. He's rolling.
29. Avoid a 30-year-old in an entry-level position. He's scared of life.
30. Avoid any guy who has cheated on a girlfriend. No, it's not different this time. Yes, he'll do it again.
31. Avoid any guy you meet at Beatrice Inn. He also hangs out with Kirsten Dunst at LIT, and he's a mess.
32. Avoid any guy who doesn't drink. Self-explanatory.
33. Avoid any guy who works in finance. He's getting fired.
34. Avoid any guy who is an only child. He isn't properly socialized.
35. Avoid any guy who can't drink whiskey.
36. Avoid any guy who doesn't like dogs. Really?
37. Avoid any guy who has an avatar. He is cheating on his Second Life wife.

The list could go on, probably, but honestly I'm starting to feel like a crazy person. I'm not this critical, and these things really don't matter -- well, some do. But the point is, just go out there and have fun this holiday season. And hell, if you meet someone who seems nice enough, go for it. What have you got to lose?

Yours,
EL